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What Am I Doing With My Life?

Literally, THE question I've asked myself every day of my life. Many days I have no idea. And, since I had a hefty helping of clarity today, I decided I better write it down so I can come back to it on the days when I feel I've lost my purpose (or never had one).

Why Me...

For me, clarity is usually the result of a nonchalant, passing comment made by a friend in conversation. And since I'm a bit overly mission-focused at times, my realization of said friends' brilliance is usually delayed.

Case in point - a couple weeks ago I was chatting with a long-time friend, Ashleigh, about what current mishaps were in my life. She sort of chuckled and said, "Why do these things always happen to you?"

Hard, unbelievable life challenges seem to find me one after another after another. It's almost comical. I don't think I fully realized or appreciated this until Ashleigh asked the rhetorical question. It's one thing to think you have a challenging life; it's another when your tribe starts remarking about it.

Resilience and Tenacity

I called Ashleigh today and told her that I'd spent the morning thinking about what she said a couple weeks ago. (SIDENOTE: She said she had also spent the morning thinking about it. The universe is funny like that). The thing that kept coming back to me is that I don't want my struggle to be for nothing. Why survive all the "stuff" if you don't use it for something bigger than yourself.

God has granted me an inordinate amount of resilience and tenacity. I can only credit my level of functioning to the fact that I keep getting up and stay determined to come out stronger than before... each and every time. This doesn't mean that I don't get angry, depressed, or negative. What it does mean is that in the end, I overcome all the urges to give up, put on my best warrior heels and a killer lip gloss and get back in the fight.

So back to the point... what am I even doing with my life?

It's an interesting question at this point in my life. In my twenties and early thirties I experienced a great deal of professional success in the corporate world, but always felt like I was amounting to nothing. My work didn't have meaning. Sure, I was the best at what I was doing, but who cares if you're the best if your heart isn't in it.

Life presented an opportunity for me to leave corporate America and pursue a truly once-in-a-lifetime startup adventure. It didn't pan out (for many reasons), but I don't have any shred of regret and I find myself.... here.

What is "here," exactly?

"Here" is a new chapter in my life. "Here" is personally challenging to articulate, because like most women, affirming aloud my gifts feels somehow inappropriate, though it is the true way to manifest my purpose. Here is what "my here" looks like:

  • I have a deep, DEEP passion for seeing women overcome their barriers, stand in their true power, and live a purpose-filled life - whatever it looks like for them.

  • Women of all ages have sought my professional and personal insight, guidance, and mentoring for as long as I can remember.

  • God has given me personal and professional challenges so that I may overcome them and SHARE my growth with the world in order to change it for the better.

  • I realize that I would have benefited greatly from having a female mentor in MY life during all the curve balls thrown at me.

  • I don't need to, nor do I want to attach myself to someone else's brand when I have so much to offer on my own.

I'm here. I've arrived. I don't need to find the right fit for me when the right fit all along has been within my own skin. I desperately want to help other women find their own "here" and that is what I'm going to do with my life.


©2020 by Kristin Benton.

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